Been Gone For So Long

Yep, I have been gone a LONG TIME. Holy moly.

I don't even remember the last time I wrote. I have been aching to write some more for a while, but I had so much to say, I had nothing to say. Do you know what I mean?

I was going to write yesterday, while I was in my backyard, but it was so sunny, I couldn't see my screen. :/

Anyway, I will try and do a recap of everything that has happened:
- I am going on my childrens wish on April 28th to May 5th. It will be at Disney World.
- I was suppose to have seven doses of cyclo (chemotherapy) but only got six.
-I am not going to school anymore
-I got a new bed
-My mom broke her finger
-I won a writing contest


Ok, that is all I can think of right now. I will explain it all.

Firstly, I WILL be going to Disney World on April 28th, courtesy of Childrens Wish. I will be staying at Animal Kingdom. I am SUPER excited! AND its going to be for my birthday as well! My birthday is the 30th, so I get to be in Disney for that!

Next, I was indeed supposed to have seven doses of chemo, but only got six. It was canceled and rebooked several times. This is what happened:
The first time I was suppposed to have it, I had a bad cold, so they didn't give it to me.
The next time, I got the stomach flu (I am NEVER eating ham again ;P). They canceled twice after stomach flu, because it took so long to get better.
Then, when I actually went for it, and was going to get it (on March Break) I decided not to get it. I was tired of it all. What would one more dose mean anyway? Instead, they put me on a medication called myfortic, and I am going to get Gamma (blood transfusion) once a month.

School is stressing me out too much. So I left. I don't even know if I said I had gone back to school. Well, I did. For a month. I hate it. I hate my school. People stare and laugh. They follow me laughing. On the bus, some kid threw garbage at me. Guidance said if they knew who it was, they could do something. The doctor who perscribed this blog, said its just teasing, maybe they like me. Guys tease girls they like.

I don't think this bad.

He said, if I was that weird, then why do I have friends?
Because they knew me before I was like this.
Because they don't see me half the time. And guess what? At school, I am pretty much ignored by my best friend anyway.

You probably think, why don't I stick up for myself? What is the point? What would I say anyway?

Oh, and whenever I think about school, I have a huge panic attack. Not just from teasing. But because some kid at my school got stabbed, by a kid FROM MY SCHOOL, on the bus stop across from me. Its just not the school I thought it was.

I am planning to get home schooling the rest of the semester. I would rather go to another school, but my mom points out, would it be different at another school? I honestly don't know.
And now they are talking about sending me to a Mental Health place for school. Like, its got a classroom and stuff, and I would just be around kids who suffer "anxiety" like me.

I don't want to go there. My not going to school has nothing to do with anxiety. Hating the mall has to do with anxiety. Do I still go to the mall? All the time. I overcome those anxiety. Hating school, isn't an anxiety, its a health hazard, mentally and physically. No one seems to understand that.

I would rather go to a school my neighbor and friend is going to next year. It is a little smaller then the school I go to now, it is supposed to be REALLY good. And my friend said she has heard only good things about it.

The guidance counselor I went to see about home schooling set up, said it all has to do with confidence. That I have none, and need to work on getting some.

It has NOTHING to do with that. The person with the most self-confidence in the world, would be bothered by what happens to me. I don't even tell my parents all the things the kids do, it would just make them upset.

I use to love school. Now, its just another day, that I wake up and dread.

Not going to school, will solve a lot of problems.

You think I won't be socializing with people? Sure I will, I have my friends three houses down. I have my sister, my parents, my uncle.

And besides, its not like I had a lot of socializing at school. What with my best friend ignoring me. Me sitting with tons of people at lunch, being ignored. Me in class, with no friends.

I'd rather be at home.

I will write more about the other things on the list later. I have homework to do.