Day Three

Hello!

Day three of blogging! I have an appointment with the doctor who recommended this blog tomorrow. I will give him the web address for it at that time. Wonder what he'll think?

Although, I am nervous about letting him read this. This feels very personal now. What with my violent thoughts for my doctor, and the crap I wish I'd done to people.

But, really, I wouldn't have done any of this stuff to anyone.

Probably.

Anyway.

I had beading class last week, on Friday. I must say it was my favorite class yet. I learned a great new skill. The bracelets I can make now are beautiful. I've already made my sister, my sisters friend, and my mom one.

I'm sitting in the living room right now, with my faithful dog companions. Houston and Frank are sitting on the couch beside each other. Its quite funny, because their sizes are so different. Houston is HUGE and Frank is only little. Franks back feet are on Houstons face, and Houston's back feet are bent, so they are on Franks face.

Its cute.

***********


Sometimes I feel very bitter and sarcastic. I can't help my sarcasm. My dad gets annoyed at my sarcasm sometimes, but it just pops out. Most of the time I'm not being serious, but still. I'm trying to work on it though. It's hard.

Do you know what I hate? How people look up to me, BECAUSE I'm sick.

People are always "Kathryn! You are SO BRAVE. You go through SO MUCH, and you are always smiling! How do you do it?"

And I smile, and give my "I enjoy life, so I stay positive" thing I say. But inside, I'm just annoyed.

What the hell am I SUPPOSE to do? I'm not going to walk around all the time, like some zombie or some ass hole. And I'm not brave. Its my life. Its not brave.

"Oh, Jenny! You are SO BRAVE because your a cheerleader!"

"Oh, Marcus! You are SO BRAVE because you play soccer!"

"Oh, Benny! You are SO BRAVE because you watch tv!"

See, what I mean?

My life just happens to be filled with a little more medical issues, then others. Thats not bravery.

So, it really bugs me when people, especially ADULTS, say they look up to me, because I am so brave. And don't think I am ungrateful for all my support. I am VERY thankful for everyone, its just annoying hearing ALL THE STINKIN' TIME about my bravery.



*************************


Do you know what I hate?

"My birthday is TOMORROW! Invites look AMAZING!" Going to have so much FUN! Lots of friends coming OVER!"

Thats posted on, say, facebook, or twitter.

What about the kid who wasn't invited, who thought they were you friend?

Funny enough, my sister and I have both just had this shoved in our faces.

My sisters friends were all invited to a girls birthday, the one not invited? My sister.

All sorts of my friends were invited to a girls birthday, the one not invited? Me.

And its so annoying hearing about the party.

Facebook posts filled with party details, twitters about cakes. Friends IM about presents.

Great for you. I get to stay home, and learn about lupus.

Like, I'm not at school, so sure, you might think I can't go to a party. But I talk to my friends enough for them to know, I can't go to school because of appointments and symptoms, but I love any excuse to get out of the house to visit and socialize with people more then just my family.

I love my family, but I go stir crazy if I stay here all the time.

But I don't regret saying Happy Birthday AT ALL. Because I'm that kind of person.


*************************

You see all this venting? I am NOTHING like this in person. And maybe, thats the problem. I am SO not mean at ALL. And this is pretty mean stuff sometimes.


*********************

Well. Its almost lunch time, and I need to go get ready. So, next post I PROMISE I will post about my revenge on Thor. (Refer to this list:


- Kick/Punch my lupus doctor
- Kick/Punch this kid that was in my religon class.
- Get Revenge(somehow) on guy named Thor.
- Tell everyone I love them
- Give rock that says "Suck on this" to doctor. )